dilemma

dilemma. dilemma in making a decision. its really hard, though. one of the hardest thing to do, is to decide. and its getting worse when you're in dilemma. stuck in between. im just like another typical reckless and clueless teenagers. im having a dilemma in life.


im confused with my own life, im confused with what i want and what i need; or really need. even the smartest person have his own dilemma. love. im not in love. i've no passion to anyone. to anyone. i adore women beauty. i adore her. fall for them. fall for their beauty. but beauty will fade, someday maybe. and now im in dilemma whether i like her or i love her. whether she's pretty because i like her or i like her because she's pretty. whether i like her or her. she made me smile, so many times. she made me cry, cry inside. as a guy, i cant cry outside. hmm, bad metaphor maybe. sorry. who's she? maybe she's my Jenny. as i realize, she's not even mine. not even close. nope.


friends. i have this one bestfriend. or maybe ex-bestfriend. she's a girl. i never met her. never see her face. but as she consider me as her bestfriend, i consider her as my bestfriend too. i love to befriend to anyone. not everyone. but recently she said i've changed. i dont know. maybe. maybe yes, maybe no. the possibility of infinity in term of maybe. she's a girl, so she's sensitive. too sensitive. she's young. i think thats why. again, in term of maybe. or maybe its my ego. but i've apologize. maybe words is not enough? then what should i do? whats my mistake? i dont know. let time decide.


alter ego. i've my own alter ego. but i dont know which part of me is my alter ego. maybe none. i think i've split personality. or its just a symptom of hypocrisy. i dont know. the best answer of everything is I DONT KNOW. stop asking me. i dont know. i dont know what to do. thats why i said im in dilemma. its because I DONT KNOW. maybe its not alter ego, maybe. confused. whatever it is, its ruining my life. maybe it was meant that way. goodbye halcyon day.